Between Sleeping and Awake
by Charlotte Atkinson
Summary: 'She was his drug, and he couldn't get himself to pull away.' Marshall Lee fights his inner demons over his thoughts of Fionna. Mentions of death, war, violence, sexual intimacy, and temporary insanity.


She took his breath away-

Metaphorically speaking-

And somehow, he couldn't stay away. She was young, twelve, but there was something about her. Her will to fight, her stubbornness, her eyes, her warmth; he wasn't really quite sure. But when she was asleep, he would float by her window, sometimes playing his bass and singing quietly until the sun brushed its light over the hills. But there was something happening.

His dead heart started beating. His heart started _yearning_ for the young adventuress.

Fionna the Human, the only one to make him feel _alive_ in his miserable immortal existence he was cursed to live.

She was warm. But she taught himself control. How badly he wanted to sink his fangs into her smooth neck; but he controlled himself. However, the scent of her around him made his arousal heightened.

She changed so fast.

She was taller, her stomache flattened out and her curves were more pronounced. Her bunny hat was long gone; she removed it on her sixteenth birthday. Now she's seventeen, and his hormones were running wild.

"Marshall," she moaned under him. Hers were as well.

How much did he want her?

How much did she?

His lips connected with hers and for that one night, they were mangled and twisted together in his crimson red sheets.

They were sitting on the highest hill in the valley looking over the Candy Kingdom, watching the stars twinkle. His hand brushed hers a few times, and he always watched as her lips turned up slightly. This was their place; where a comfortable silence could sit between them, yet they could still enjoy each other's company. Fionna gave up on Gumball a long time ago, and for that Marshall was glad; that pretty boy could never love Fionna like he did.

"What was that one show we watched the other day?" She asked, looking in his direction, "The one about that boy and that fairy…Tinker Bell I think her name was?"

"Peter Pan?" He questioned, watching her face light up at the familiarity of the name, "What about it?"

"You're just like him," she said softly, almost like it was something she thought about or a long time, "You never grow old, and you flirt with the other girls. You go overseas and fight with pirates, or at least according to your stories. If you had pointy ears and wore a lot of green, you would be just like him bro."

Marshall chuckled at her theory before replying, "Though, I don't lead people to the afterlife," She gave him a quizzical look before he continued, "What, you think Peter Pan just ran away from home and took some of his friends with him? Fi, that's why he and the Lost Boys are forever young; they're dead."

Fionna gaped at him before turning away, pouting, "Why do you always have to ruin the happy endings Marshy?"

He laughed lightly, listening as the young heroine broke into her own giggles as well. He loved her laugh, Glob; he just loved everything about her. He looked over at her and her at him, their eyes staring at one another. He leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. He could never get used to the warmth she ignites into his frozen veins.

She was his drug.

And he couldn't get himself to pull away.

"She's only human Marshall," his mother's fingers were tapping on the oak kitchen table, her eyes staring into his own, "She won't live forever."

Does she not think that he knows that? He told himself that every day since the first day he met her, and to no avail, he couldn't pull away. Every adventure she goes on, he worries about never seeing her again. His heart aches with every injury he watches Cake clean for her. Hell, even Cake was getting older. He forever remained his nineteen year old self.

She dies while he continues to live.

That is a _curse._

He slams his hands on the table, standing up and his anger was radiating through his body. If this wasn't his mother, she would be far away from him by now. Instead, she sits the cup on the table and stares at him, as though waiting for the explosion she wanted him to produce. She wanted the whole land to _fear_ her son for the monster he truly was.

But the anger never came.

He almost collapsed to the ground, his hand gripping the spot where his non beating heart existed. He felt it cave in on itself as all of the thoughts of Fionna dying rushed through his mind. What would he do? Where would he go?

Would he even want to continue living whatever life he had?

"I already know that," His voice was almost breaking. He mustered up what glare he could give his mother, "But I just can't pull away," He sat in the chair, his hands tugging at his own hair, "I love Fionna, mom."

And as if it was the only time in his immortal existence, her felt her embrace and he hands smoothing down his hair. He felt as if for the first time in over one thousand years, his mother could relate to his feelings.

"I know Marshall, I know," was all she had to say before he felt the retched sobs break through his barriers.

It was the Lich. The Lich was fighting with Fionna in the center of the battlefield.

Marshall felt like he couldn't get there fast enough.

He started slashing through the Lich's army as fast as he could, his eyes always glancing at the heroine holding her own against the being. He couldn't explain the pride that was welling up in his chest as he continued to watch the blood splatter out of the Lich with every hit Fionna was able to land on him. She was winning.

She was going to _live._

As the Lich fell, the demons around him faded away. In the distance, he could hear the people who were cheering for her at her victory. He looked over her and grinned, and she returned the smile with enthusiasm. He started walking towards her and her towards him. He could tell by the way her mouth was set she was ready to shout something-

But nothing came out.

The Lich gave his final attack before his body finally gave way, striking Fionna in the chest.

Fionna looked at Marshall, her eyes wide. A small sound came out of her throat before she fell to the ground. Marshall felt the demonic scream rip out of his throat as he raced towards his beautiful heroine.

He fell to his knees, scooping up Fionna and cradling her in his arms. He watched as she started spitting out blood, her wound continued to gush blood as well. His heart ached; he had no idea what to do. He looked at her neck, and the idea popped into his head.

But then her warmth would no longer be there.

He looked down at her and knew her warmth was fading away _now._ She was _bleeding_ in his arms. She was dying.

"Marshall," her voice croaked out quietly, her toothy grin was showing, "Everything's gonna be okay."

He was panting and his head was spinning. She was going to die either way; and either he would keep her or she would be buried twenty feet under the ground. He quickly sank his teeth into her soft, ivory neck, gaining a small gasp. He thought about doing this for years, but the outcome would have been different. He would have asked, begged would be the better term, for her to live an eternal life with him. She would hopefully say yes, and he would sink his fangs slowly into her, causing as little pain as he possibly could. She would lie in his bed for a week at most, her body slowly dying, but reawakening into something else.

But there was no time to be careful.

Her hand slowly touched his cheek, and he could feel her heartbeat through her fingertips slowing, "Marshall, you can't save me."

"Fionna just"- he couldn't even begin to find the words, "Just shut up and stop bleeding! We're supposed to go pixie strangling tomorrow. That's our favorite pass time, you know that. Just…" His heart was breaking. Here he was, in the middle of everything, watching as the love of his life- his cursed, immortal life- dying. He could hear her pulse starting to fade, and her eyes were growing dark. She was too far gone.

"Marshy," she whispered, her hand, in the midst of all of this, gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Glob, they were so cold, "This is it. Here I am, the last of the humans, going out by protecting everyone. Pretty heroic huh?" She laughed a little bit, but he could tell the laugh wasn't towards him. He wasn't even sure what she was really looking at, "I don't regret a single thing. Not a single thing I did in this life of mine. Well, except breaking one of Cake's plates; she was pretty mad about that one…But you want to know something else?" Her eyes seemed to focus on him then, and all he could do was hang on every single word coming past her lips, "I'm so happy I became your best bro. And not for one second, did I ever regret falling in love with you, Marshall Lee, the Vampire King."

He stared at her for a moment, at a loss for words. Never in his life, did he expect to hear those words come out of her mouth. The small smile that graced her lips made his heart clench. All of the words spilled out then, "Fionna I can't lose you…I can't…you're supposed to be here for me. I love you so much that I just can't…you just…I'm sorry I couldn't…" Her breathing was ragged, her lungs were fighting, taking in as much air as she could.

"You can't die on me Fionna. Don't leave me alone."

The grip on his hand loosened, and he gripped her hand tighter. He couldn't let go, he didn't want to feel the pain she was putting him through. She was supposed to live and be with him. This wasn't how everything should have ended. This can't be how everything ends. But she's gone, just like that. Her hands are freezing and her lips are blue. Marshall looked into the glazy blue eyes that once held so much warmth towards him.

His chest was heaving and his eyes filled with tears. How dare they? How dare they take someone as beautiful as her away? His voice box felt like it was being ripped apart as a scream slipped passed his lips. Pain, fear and anger admitted across his features as he stood up, leaving behind Fionna's corpse. He looked around him, seeing all of the people that were once cheering them on stepping away in fear. He smiled at the thought of that. He was the Vampire King, the worst of the bad, the king of the Nightoshpere. He laughed as his eyes started glowing, his thoughts turning dark as can be. Why should they be happy, when all they did was let the one thing that made him feel alive die? How could they use him this way? He walked towards them, his fangs starting to pierce the outer skin of his bottom lip. He was going to destroy everything these creatures came to love.

 _You're better than this._

His steps faltered and his eyes widened slightly. He turned back behind him, only to see the corpse that held the beautiful soul of his Fionna.

 _This isn't you._

Ah, so that was it. He laughed slightly, looking up at the sky. After everything, for the rest of his days, was he going to go completely insane?

 _You don't need to do this, Marshall._

Oh, but he does. They took her away from him; his love, his best friend. They don't deserve to be happy. He looked back towards those standing around him, and grinned. He could be evil, without even trying.

 _After everything, this is what you resort to?_

If he could continue to hear her voice, it didn't matter what he did. She could be scolding him for all he would care. But Marshall didn't want to forget; he _couldn't_ forget. If this is everything he had to go through, he would do it without complaint. His eyes landed on Gumball, the man who brought her into this. She didn't have to go, she didn't have to fight. He would take away their king and watch as the candy people dwindled and died. He gripped his throat and lifted him slightly. He could feel Gumwad gasping for breath.

 _Are you really going to destroy everything I died to protect?_

His grip loosened, though his hand never let go of him. Gumball wasn't down on the ground, but at least he could breathe. His eyes met Marshall's; pleading that he stopped the madness that was slowly going through him.

 _Let him go, Marshall._

Even in death, she was the one to bring him down; his drug, his light in the dark. He dropped Gumball to the ground and stepped back a ways. He was battling between her and pure instinct, everyone could see that.

 _It's not their fault._

What did she know? He sent her out there, almost knowing that it would be her death. She had a slim chance to survive, even with her stubborn streak. She didn't want to die, he knew that. She didn't have to tell him such things, but he could read her soul. He couldn't stop what happened, even being as strong and as powerful as he is.

 _It wasn't yours either. Don't blame yourself. This wasn't on you._

He broke down then. Sunk straight to his knees and placed his head in his hands. How couldn't he blame himself? He was there, so close, he could have moved her out of the way and taken the hit. But he didn't see what happened, not until she fell. Not until she bled and died in his arms. Her soul left along with his heart. He screamed then, tears falling down his face. Who would have ever known that a human could destroy someone like himself?

 _The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt, Marshy. Go ahead and cry; I'm here for you. I'm not leaving you._

Marshall felt a hand being placed on his shoulder. For a moment, he thought it was her and that this was some type of sick joke. As he looked up, he saw Gumball there, a sad smile placed on his face. He jerked his head towards the direction behind him, "The thing about pain, Marshall, is that It demands to be felt. I'll be there with you for everything; it's the least I can do for Fionna, for you," But Marshall stood up quickly, leaving Gumball on the ground. He couldn't stay here, not with her body so close by; not with the memories that overtake him with every step he takes.

"I can't," He whispered out, looking down on Gumball, "I can't stay here, not with her right there,"

"Then come with me to the castle. Cake said she would take care of Fionna," Gumball said softly. His friend was hurting. Marshall was lost, almost like a child.

"No!" Marshall shouted out to no one in particular, "I can't stay _here._ I can't stay so close to where she has been."

He stepped back and took off, leaving everyone in shock. He floated towards the tree line, taking cover into the dark blanket it provided. Gumball stood up, running a few paces before calling out, "Marshall come back! Marshall!" But to no avail, he didn't. Gumball searched the tree line, waiting for two crimson eyes to show through the darkness, but there was nothing. And quite frankly, that was the last time Gumball thought he would ever see or hear from the Vampire King.

Two years passed. Two years he lived in the Nightosphere, trying to get rid of the memories that sat in his heart. His mother was pleased with his decision, though upset that he told her that it was time. She sighed, but let him go anyways. He needed to face it, this _pain_ that has been sitting in his heart, waiting to be felt again. That's the thing about pain, about heart ache; it wants to be felt until you couldn't feel anymore. Even he, someone as dark as him, felt the most trivial feeling.

He hasn't heard from her again ever since the day. He never went to her burial, which now he regrets. He never stepped foot near anything that could possibly remind him of her. Marshall sat in his misery for months, not moving, not eating, and certainly not sleeping. For him, sleeping brought on memories of _her._ He no longer said her name, and no one said her name to him. He couldn't stand to hear it; not when he couldn't call it out and have her turn around, grinning ear to ear and asking him to jam with her. He knew she wasn't very good; actually she was terrible, until he was able to persuade her enough to sing. Glob, how much he missed the high, soft voice she used when she sang. He knew he had a few recordings, but those were buried elsewhere until he was ready to view them. He wasn't even sure when that was going to be.

He didn't know if he even wanted to see her grave.

But he walked right up there. He knew where it was going to be; Gumball sent him a notice to see if he wanted to go. But he couldn't face it, not then, he couldn't believe that she was really gone. He still couldn't in all honesty. But then he remembered that he was Peter Pan and he had to live forever as a young man and she was his Wendy who was taken away too soon. She was supposed to get old and die peacefully-

Marshall shoved those thoughts into the depth of his mind. He wasn't going to think about that today.

He walked up the hill, passing the treehouse as he went. She was buried at the top, where she could see everything; the Candy Kingdom in all of its glory. Something she died to protect. In ways, he still despised the people within those walls, watching them continue on with their lives as if nothing truly happened. But then he couldn't, knowing that she wouldn't be happy. She would be mad at him, scolding him, telling him that wasn't how he was supposed to handle things.

He reached the top, though he couldn't look at the marker sitting in the nestle of trees. At this moment, Marshall would be facing the reality that she was truly gone, and that this wasn't some sick and twisted prank that she was trying to pull on him. He would admit, it would be payback for everything he did to her-especially faking his own death while they were still bros- but that wouldn't make him any less furious with her. Though, truthfully, the swelling of joy in his heart would overcome that within a matter of seconds.

This wasn't a place for those types of thoughts. She was gone, and he knew that.

Marshall turned and faced the marker, bearing her name in big bold letters. Her sword was stabbed into the ground beside the grave, her bunny hat sitting on the hilt. He smiled at the ratty old thing, something he didn't think he would be able to do. Flowers, fresh and old, sat around the grave in memory of the young heroine. He figured it was probably Cake out of everyone.

 _Fionna; heroine of Aaa, friend to all, loving sister. Let her love, courage and kindness carry her to her next adventure._

He stared at the grave as he sunk to his knees. He looked around then, seeing if anyone was coming nearby to hear him. He sighed, running his hands over his face, "Hey," He started, shifting slightly to sit cross legged in front of her grave, "Sorry I didn't visit any sooner. I was busy, you know, rocking the Nightoshpere with my cool jams. I started living there now, Mom's thinking about letting me rule officially. Mom and I have a pretty tight relationship now, you'd be happy to see that," He smiled a bit at that, before letting it fall, "I miss you Fi."

"I miss you too, Marshy."

He looked up then, staring back into the bright, blue eyes he came to know and love. She was smiling slightly, sitting a few feet away from him. She was pulling at some grass nearby her, then letting it go, having it catch on the wind currents. Her blonde hair shimmered lightly in the pale moonlight; strands blowing into her face. Marshall felt his heart swell up at the sight of her, but still wasn't sure if he was seeing things. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying hard to find the words that wouldn't come out.

She giggled slightly at his response, "Yeah, I'm here dude," she said softly. Her smile faded slightly as she looked at the ground, "I've been here for a while. I've been waiting for you to come around. You didn't even come to my funeral, Marshall."

"I couldn't," he stated, watching as her head lifted up. She stared at him before nodding her head like she understood, "If I went, that meant I had to accept that you were gone…" He sighed, running his hand through his hair, pondering the thought, "I just wasn't ready then."

"But are you even ready now?" She asked, watching him shake his head slightly, "Then why did you come?"

"To make myself accept it. To beg for your forgiveness even though you wouldn't give me any type of response."

The silence sat heavy between them. Fionna stared off into the distance, looking towards the Candy Kingdom; they could see the lights glowing from a distance. She sighed a little bit, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. He watched her every action, missing the movements she created. She looked at him and blushed a little bit, making him chuckle. Glob, how much he missed this. She smiled back slightly, looking back over at the grassy hill. Dark oranges were appearing in the sky; and it was his cue that he needed to leave soon.

"There is nothing I need to forgive you for, Marshall Lee," She stated softly, as he strained to hear her, "My fate was made that day, and there was nothing you could do to stop it."

He glared at the ground slightly, irritated with her response. He stood up abruptly, startling her. His hands were clenched into fists, "I could have changed you! If you let me, you could have still been living. I wouldn't be here right now, living alone while you're dead in the ground!"

She continued to stare at him as she stood up, her hand reached out and touched his cheek lightly, and he flinched at the contact. There was no warmth radiating from her hand, nor was there anything that he could grab onto to cling himself to her, "Our love was like that movie we watched so long ago," She stated, her hand trailing down to his chest, "You were Peter Pan, and no matter how much you wanted me to stay with you in Neverland, I had to grow up, live, and die."

"But you could have stayed so much longer."

"I could have," She mused, coming closer to him, "But then again, wouldn't it hurt you more to watch me grow old and die?" She asked him, pulling away slightly, "Marshy, you will _never_ grow up more than you are now. I would have."

He sat there quietly, looking at her thoughtfully. He could tell dawn was coming quickly as the sky was lightening and the trees were starting to create shadows. Fionna stepped back a bit, as though she was leaving. His heart clenched at that. There weren't going to be any 'see you soon' or 'I'll talk to you later. No, this was a goodbye, and that was something he was hoping to never have to say to her.

Marshall had so many things to say to her, but none of them would come out. His brain was throwing at him pieces of different sentences that wouldn't even make sense. He kept looking at her, burning her image into his brain to the best of his ability. She started back at him, almost observing, as she sat on the top of her grave. Marshall felt his throat tighten, tears stinging his eyes, as one thought kept traveling through his head; _you're not going to see her again._

He briskly walked towards her, pulling her wrist so she would face him and brought her lips to his forcefully. The way she molded into him gave him the same feelings he felt for what seemed like an eternity ago. When they broke apart, Fionna wiped away the tears that were streaming down his face. She was fading; her touches feeling like a breeze in the wind and her silhouette being a shadow of another figure.

She smiled, pressing her lips to his cheek one last time before whispering in his ear, "I said it before and I'll say it again; not for one second, did I ever regret falling in love with you, Marshall Lee."

She was there, and she was gone.

With a heavy heart he returned to the Nightosphere, entering his home and closed his bedroom door behind him. A small part of him felt at peace, though a larger part of him felt as though there was something missing, something he never did-

He glanced over to his desk. Papers were spread in every direction and his guitar was leaning in the corner nearby. Floating over, he picked up the guitar, then stared at the lyrics written on the sheets, filled with meaning and promise.

 _Love without affection_

 _Is hate without the pain_

 _Life is a connection_

 _Separate from the brain_

 _Though my heart beats steady_

 _My lungs are filled with doubt_

 _Oh Wendy Darling_

 _Run away with me_

 _I know that I sound crazy_

 _Don't you see what you do to me?_

 _I wanna be your lost boy_

 _To be your last chance_

 _To be a better reality_

 _Then that of your past_

 _You know that place between that sleep and awake_

 _That place where you can still remember dreaming?_

 _That's will I will always love you_

 _That's where I will be waiting._

 _Oh Wendy Darling_

 _Run away with me_

 _I know that I sound crazy_

 _Don't you see what you do to me?_

 _I wanna be your lost boy_

 _To be your last chance_

 _To be a better reality_

 _Then that of your past_

"Fionna," he whispered looking way above, "Sometimes I don't think you ever knew how much you affected me, but you did. Yet, I always know you'll be there, between the veils of dreaming and awake."

With that thought always going through his head, Marshall believed that maybe he could stand an eternity.

" _Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star..."_

 _~EE Cummings_

 **Oh my goodness, I haven't written anything in forever. And honestly, this was written over 6 months ago. I fell in love with the idea, and then I wrote about it. Honestly, it was never supposed to be this long, but it just kind of happened.**

 **Thank you for all of those that have supported me through my major breaks in my writing and still continued to read my work and watch me grow.**

 **For those who are new to my work, thank you for reading also. I hope to hear from you.**

 **R &R**

 **Charlotte**


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